


Beyond Different

by hutcher_muffin



Category: Josh Hutcherson - Fandom, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Music, Other, friendships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2017-12-30 17:46:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1021570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hutcher_muffin/pseuds/hutcher_muffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This story will be in Aislin's point of view. I will be posting a new chapter every Friday around 4pm EST.</p></blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue: Josh’s POV

Bunbury. A music festival close to my hometown. Cincinnati, so full of people that I know I can try and lose myself for a little while. I really do enjoy my fans and trying to meet any request I get, but sometimes, I want to be Josh, a man at a music festival, listening to his favorite bands.

Walking along the newly built Banks area gives me a sense of pride in the closest metropolis to my actual hometown. All the new bars and restaurants look amazing. Not long until I can drink in those bars. I pass Great American Ballpark and look up at the stacks that release the fireworks celebrating a Reds homerun or victory. I think back to last season when I threw out the opening night pitch and totally messed up in front of Brandon Phillips, my favorite player.

I try to be normal, I really do. I keep my hat and aviators on, but people still recognize me and either point or start staring. The first fan of the day comes up to me and asks me for a picture.

**_Damn these aviators. They’re not helping._ **

She gets close. I lean in and flash my usual “Hutch” smile.

**_Yes I do troll the internet sometimes. Who doesn’t?_ **

She tells me she loves me and gives me a hug, almost copping a feel on my ass before she lets go, smiling at me.

**_Are you shitting me? Damnit!_ **

I smile back as she simply walks away.

**_Thank god I can act!_ **

I glance back at my mom who is giggling and as much as I love my mom, I want to smack her in the back of the head. I do not find this funny at all. I have come to terms with this side of my fame. People like my movies, so they like me. They feel something for me, I’m not sure I completely understand that feeling.

**_Maybe I’ve been in the business too long._ **

We keep walking along the river towards Sawyer Point, passing people that are heading there and people going back towards the Banks. I again keep my head down and walk with the crew. A big group of young girls rush past us, and I pray that they keep going and don’t notice me.

**_I’m not going to be that lucky._ **

  
Sure enough one of the girls looks in my direction and then I see her elbow her friend, who then points and yells my name.

**_Son of a bitch! Why in the hell did she have to yell?_ **

I, again, flash my money making smile. I say hi to the girls and take a few pictures with them. They hug me and I see tears in their eyes.

**_I feel bad that I can cause that reaction._ **

They start off towards the concert venue and I am highly annoyed about getting stopped repeatedly before we even get to the venue.

“Andre,” I whisper, knowing he’d be more willing to help than my mom, who would say I need to appreciate all my fans all the time. “If someone else stops me before we get to the venue, can you help me?”

He says he’s going to handle it.

**_And that is why he’s my best friend and assistant._ **

We make it about another 20 feet and another group of girls walks in our direction, having spotted me from the benches they were sitting on.

“Josh, you need to keep walking.” Andre bellowed. “Sorry ladies, Josh needs to keep moving.” he barks, pushing me along.

**_Better that my fans get mad at Andre than me. I just want to enjoy myself._ **

We finish the walk to Sawyer Point without any more interruptions. We have our wristbands and V.I.P. passes, so we head to get drinks. I start with a Coke Zero. I want to pace myself a little. I’m glad that no one recognized me in line. That would be chaos.

**_Once we actually get into the lawn and find a good spot, people will not pay me any attention._ **

We enjoy some of the warm up bands that work to get everyone pumped up. Unfortunately, my fans, or maybe just people who like meeting any celebrity, start coming from everywhere.

**_Thanks so much Twitter!_ **

 “Well that’s the tenth fan to ask for a picture and I haven’t even been here an hour.” I say, putting my aviators back on, trying to navigate to the tent to hear one of the more known bands that Amanda wanted to hear.

Amanda. She understands how I feel about craving privacy at home and she also understands that my fans at home, who have supported me since I started on this fun and crazy journey at the age of nine, would only have a chance to meet me when I am back here.

**_I just want a minute to myself! No fans!_ **

“Come on Josh, just try and enjoy yourself. You being here will wear off and no one will even give it a second thought.” she states to me, rolling her eyes and handing me a beer. I take a big gulp of the cold Blue Moon, not ice cold, but cold enough. I know damn well it won’t be in my glass long. When I had Andre purchase these tickets, he only got one underage wrist band since I’m only months away from 21.

I watch everyone around me having their own version of fun. Mom, rocking out in her strange young, yet I’m-a-mom kind of way.

**_Sometimes I don’t think she cares about my private life._ **

Connor,  standing next to Amanda, quietly jamming to the music.

**_I’m actually jealous of Connor being able to have friends from high school. I did choose this life though._ **

We are excited about WALK THE MOON and Fun. Then there is Amanda, fooling around on her smart phone, using some crazy app to take a picture or video of her rocking out to one of her favorite bands.

**_I love the fact that Amanda just doesn’t give a damn and lets go._ **

I stay in my own little world.

The group of us head for the stage where WTM would perform soon. I need to paint my face and get away from everyone. Sometimes I need a moment to really be Josh.

“Josh! Where are you going? The stage is this way.” Andre points out, looking a little lost. I really want a minute.

“Gonna go sit behind that tent and paint my face. I’ll meet you guys over there.” Andre looks a bit nervous about this decision I‘m clearly set on making. He doesn’t think it’s always my best choice to walk around alone, but I don’t care.

I walk over to the tent that has tables people are using to congregate and paint each other’s faces. I want to go behind the tent where very few people are and paint away. I sit down with my back almost against the tent and pull the rainbow of paint colors out of my trusted backpack. I want to use blues, greens, purples, and black. I hold up my phone, using it as a mirror and start with the black outlines of the different shapes that would possibly help me blend in with the normal fans. I paint the different colors inside the shapes on my cheeks and jawline. I decide not to paint my forehead since I’m wearing a hat.

I start to think about the last festival I was at that got crazy.

**_Coachella. Lanchen. Fuck. Lanchen. Why do all the girlfriends in my life play me and use me? She told me it was different this time, she wanted to make it work. She loved me._ **

**_Well that was a lie. Now I think every girl is going to be my next Lanchen._ **

 I was finishing up when I notice a girl walking my direction.

**_Great. She’s noticed me and wants a picture._ **

She sits down about 5 feet away from me and I can’t help but notice her blonde sun streaked hair. I swear when the sun hit it, there are pure gold strands. I look down quickly so she won’t catch me looking. I stand up as she was finishing her paint. I watched her look into her mirror to make sure she likes her art work and start walking past me, towards the stage.

“Nice face paint.” she softly says to me, walking off.

**_Did she just talk to me and not have a clue about who I am? That’s very strange. That never happens._ **

I pack up my paints and follow in the same direction she bounced off to. I found Andre and the rest of the group in the V.I.P. section, waiting for me to join them. I was still thinking about the girl by the tent. Connor is the first to say something to me.

**_Was I being that obvious? Something about her was different._ **

“I’m good bro. We can talk later.” I tell him, glancing at Andre then Amanda. Connor nods in agreement. I knew we’d walk together and get something to drink later. I’ll tell him about it then.

V.I.P wasn’t too crowded at the moment, so we just relax and enjoy making small talk between each other. I was glancing around to see if I catch a glimpse of the girl.

**_What is it about her? She’s not my usual type of girl. Dark hair and dark eyes, exotic looking girls._ **

I want to talk to my brother about her, so we decide to go get a drink.

“Bro, ok, look..when I was painting my face behind that tent, this amazing girl walked over and did her face paint. She didn’t ask me for a picture, nothing. She just said ‘nice face paint’ and walked away.” Connor stopped and looked at me like he didn’t believe me. “I know Connor, it’s not normal, but it happened and I really want to talk to her. I just don’t want another Lanchen episode.”

“Josh, you have two choices, you can find her or let it go. I think that you need to take a chance and get over Lanchen. If it’s not this girl, then try the next one.”

**_God love Connor. He makes it so simple. His girlfriend has been with him throughout high school. Maybe it is that simple. Maybe I should just find her._ **

 

I don’t see her, but we still have 20 minutes before WTM takes the stage. I kill some time helping Connor touch up his paint. I love the bond I have with my brother. I’d do anything for him. As the area started filling up, a few more fans notice me and ask for pictures.

**_I really hope they stop once the band comes on. I don’t want to turn fans down, but I will if they ask during the performance._ **

I smile for the pictures, trying to remember that keeping my fans happy helps my career.

WALK THE MOON takes the stage and I’m super stoked. This is one of my favorite bands next to The Lumineers. I’m rocking out to every song they play and then “Jenny” starts, which is my favorite song by them. I start jumping since I absolutely cannot dance **AT ALL.** I finally catch a glimpse of the girl again and she actually stops my breath as I take her all the way into my brain.

One of the first things I notice is that no matter what kind of shoes she wears, she’ll never tower over me. That is different because I seem to date tall girls. She is almost pixie like in her height. Her body.

**_Was this song, “Jenny” about her? Her body is like an hourglass, just as the song says._ **

She is sexy curvy and the way she sways her hips during parts of the song is actually doing something to me, mesmerizing me and pulling me in.

**_What is it about her? What makes her so different? I need to know her._ **

When the chorus kicks in, she bounces with the music, landing on the balls of her feet and throwing her head back, singing and laughing with her friends.

_**I have never seen a girl look so free and in the moment. I want to know her.** _

I watch the band perform through her movement and actions. The way her lips sing the words back to the band, in sync with me. As the song ends, I watch her toss her head back and yell for the band and I make my decision. I have to meet her, I need to talk to her. She is so different. I can’t put my finger on it, but I’m intoxicated by her. I walk in her direction and as I approach her, she turns around.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will be in Aislin's point of view. I will be posting a new chapter every Friday around 4pm EST.

 

I finish putting on my makeup in my bathroom. I’m so glad today isn’t anywhere near as humid as the last two weeks have been in Kentucky. I really don’t want to sweat So much my makeup comes off and I end up looking like a raccoon. Summers in the Ohio Valley aren’t the most pleasant. It’s both humid and hot or, if we get lucky, just plain hot.

I walk into the bedroom of my condo, bright with the early afternoon sun, to change into the day’s outfit. I try to keep it simple; something that won’t cause me to be too hot since I’m planning to spend the whole afternoon and night on the banks of the Ohio River at Sawyer Point. Bunbury only happens once a year and I plan on having the best time of my life.

  
_Bunbury. The best time and way to escape everyday life and just enjoy music. Music. My second passion._

I plan on meeting my friends at YardHouse on the Banks and walking the half mile to Sawyer Point and Yeatman’s Cove where outdoor concerts are held. Cincinnati is really starting to turn around. It all started with The Banks and the creation of all the new apartments and restaurants around the Great American Ballpark, or Smallpark as the Reds fans call it.

_Reds Games are another escape of mine. Music and baseball keep me away from guys and the trouble that inevitably follows._

I hop into my powder blue Hyundai Accent hatchback and start the 13 mile drive to Cincinnati from Florence.

_This drive is so familiar to me. I drive it every day to work._

_I love my job at the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital working with domestically abused young children all under ten years of age. Wait, let me clarify. I don’t love them getting hurt; I love being the one to help them._

The drive isn’t bad at all, just the normal traffic consisting of brake happy people coming down the cut in the hill, formerly known as Death Hill, into the city. I love this part of the drive when I can finally see the city’s growing skyline, with the Great American Building and its crown as the newest spotlight. The worst part of the drive is the Brent Spence Bridge taking me into Ohio.

_I’ll be glad when they replace this old double decker bridge._

People panic all the time, which is crazy, but I get off at the first exit after crossing the bridge, taking me right to the Banks. I find a parking garage across from the new Riverfront Park. I walk the short walk to YardHouse, growing increasingly more excited to get to Bunbury.

  
“Aislin! Finally!” Janie yells, putting out her cigarette. She knows I detest cigarettes and is kind enough to not light up around me.

_Janie. My best friend for 5 years now. She’s definitely the opposite of me. She keeps her long ass, almost black hair in a ponytail._

She hugs me quickly. “How are you?”

“I’m good; just been busy with work.”

_Janie works fast food so she knows how busy can be._

“Who else are we meeting?”

“Caroline, Elizabeth, and Seth. Oh and Seth’s girlfriend, Stephanie.”

_Caroline and Elizabeth work at Children’s with me._

_Seth is my best guy friend and the guy I turned to when things got crazy._

I watch as the rest of my friends walk across the street.

_Seth and Stephanie are so perfect together. I’m a little jealous in a good way. I want what they have._

The couple runs over to me and we hug. Stephanie is as excited about this as I am. Now we’re waiting for Caroline and Elizabeth, who are coming together. Stephanie and Janie start talking about some band they both like and Seth walks over to stand with me.

“So, how are you really?” he asks, looking me straight in the eye. I can’t lie to him, even if I want to.

“I’m a little lonely, but scared to get back out there. You know?”

“I think you need to just have some fun today and let whatever happens happen.”

_I know Seth is right and I’ll try to do that._

Seth is not annoying about me getting back to dating again, but Caroline and Elizabeth are obnoxious.

_Give me the patience to deal with them today._

I see them approaching, and we cross the street to meet them and head towards the river. Seth and Janie keep Caroline and Elizabeth preoccupied with boring talk so they don’t gang up on me during the walk. Seth knows I’ll go off alone once we get to the Point if they really start to bother me.

_I know they just want me to be happy and they mean well, but it’s harder than they think to trust again._

  
Stephanie and I discuss the bands we’re most excited to hear and see. Of course she agrees that WALK THE MOON is going to rock. I love that band! And they’re local, so that’s even cooler. We all want to see Fun. at the end of the night.

With Seth keeping my wonderful co-workers entertained, I actually enjoy the walk to the Point.

_I need a beer before I do anything._

Seth must’ve read my mind because he directs us to the closest beer vendor selling Blue Moon and I order the biggest one they have on tap. Caroline and Elizabeth are whispering to each other.

_Damn it! Those two are plotting. I know it. I’m glad I got this beer._

“Aislin, we want to talk to you,” Elizabeth says, putting her arm around my shoulder. Caroline looks uncomfortable, so sometimes I think she is being forced into Elizabeth’s plans.

_And here we go._

I take a big gulp of my beer to calm my building inner rage. “What’s up?”

“Well,” Elizabeth starts. “Please go out and be happy. Find a guy.”

Caroline rolls her eyes and I snicker quietly at that.

“Eliza, I will as soon as I feel ready. I know you want me to be happy and I will be. Please can we just enjoy the day?” I plead with her, knowing it’s only a temporary reprieve from her nagging.

“Aaron is still ruining your life and he’s not even around. He’s stopping you from having a future,” she spits back harshly.

_Fuck this! I already need a break from Elizabeth._

I shake my head and walk away. I run into Seth, Stephanie and Janie, walking toward me. I really don’t want any more conflicts today.

“Aislin, what happened? Where are you going?” Seth almost yells, palms up and open, showing he is confused. He follows me, yelling for me to stop.

“Hey, shortcake, wait up!”

I stop short and turn around.

_He hasn’t called me that in a long time._

I let Seth catch up to me.

“So where are you going?” he pants, out of breath.

_Again, I can’t lie to Seth._

“Just to walk around to some of the booths before WTM performs. You should get back to Stephanie.”

“Aislin, tell me what happened with Eliza.”

I walk a little further, hoping Seth would get bored enough and go back to the group.

_I just need to get my temper under control._

He doesn’t give up and, honestly, I know he won’t until I come clean with him.

“She was just talking the usual. Telling me to find a guy and stop letting Aaron run my life and ruin my future.”

_I know Seth’s opinion, but he’ll share it again._

“Look, shortcake, you know I don’t want you to let Aaron ruin your life. And you also know that I don’t want to push you in to anything you don’t feel comfortable doing. I’ll go back and talk to Eliza and tell her to back off.”

I feel the corners of my mouth grow to meet my eyes, looking at Seth as he pulls me into one of his all too squeezing hugs that I find so much comfort in, before heading off to meet our friends, knowing I need a few minutes alone.

I keep walking around Sawyer Point. It’s amazing how this event gets put together. Sawyer Point runs right along the river bank, starting behind U.S.Bank Arena, which is the concert venue in the winter or if it’s a huge artist, and it ends at the Daniel Carter Beard Bridge, aka Big Mac Bridge. It’s all grass in the area that where the tents and stages are. Some bands are doing acoustic V.I.P. only performances in the tents. I go into one of the tents to listen for a little while before I need to put on my face paint for WALK THE MOON.

_Not really feeling this band._

I look at my watch and realize WTM takes the stage in an hour. I need to find somewhere to chill and put on my face paint before I meet up with my friends again, so I duck into quiet place behind a tent. There is only one other person present, a guy, and he looks like he’s avoiding something. I should know because I’m doing the same.

_Looks sad. Welcome to my world, buddy!_

I see him glance up once or twice and then look away when he thinks he got caught. He’s painting his face too and I actually like the way he is doing it. I finish putting mine on and then pack up my stuff. I walk past him as I’m leaving.

“Nice face paint,” I say quietly without making eye contact and walk towards the stage.

_I kind of wonder why he looks so sad._

I’m a long way from the stage when I text Seth.

**Me: Where you standing?**

**Seth: In V.I.P. Do you see me waving?**

Seth is throwing both hands in the air, in an overactive style, which makes him look so goofy.

**Me: I see you and on my way**

Our group is huddled close together, carrying on different conversations while we wait for WTM. Elizabeth doesn’t say anything to me.

_I wonder what the hell Seth said to her. She never bites her tongue._

“You all have no clue. WTM is the highlight of my summer, and the wait is literally killing me right now.” I spill to Seth and Stephanie, standing right up against me.

 Janie and Caroline are both really here for Fun.  Elizabeth just likes hanging out with everyone.

The people start packing in, and I wonder if that guy I saw by the tent is going to watch WTM. I quickly scan the crowd to see if I can catch a glimpse.

_What is it about him?_

WALK THE MOON takes the stage and the crowd, which sounded like a dull roar of people talking, now sounds loud and thunderous. Stephanie, who is still next to me screams so loud, she won’t have a voice as we get pumped. We bounce up and down, arms waving and flailing  like crazy people and don’t care because everyone around acts the same. “Anna Sun” is the first song, and you can really move to this song. Seth puts his arms around Stephanie and they sway back and forth. I just jam out.

When “Jenny,” my favorite song, starts I jump up and down, singing the words with Stephanie and Seth. We rock out to this song for over five minutes.

_So fun._

When the band is finished, I ask Stephanie if she wants to get a beer with me. We turn around to leave and the guy from the tent is right in front of me.

_Damn! Wasn’t expecting him._

“Hey again,” he says, taking off his aviators. “I’m Josh.”

“Aislin,” I say and extend my hand for him to shake.

“Did you enjoy WTM?”

“Hell yeah! They’re my favorite band,” I answer and immediately want to face palm.

_Come on, Aislin. Get it together._

“Where are you ladies heading?”

“Beer tent. I need a Blue Moon.”

“Can I walk with you?”

“Sure.”

Josh engages us in small talk as we walk to the beer tent. After we get our beers, he says he needs to get back to his friends.

“So Aislin, can I get your number?”

_Say what?_

“Sure.” I tell him my number and he gives me his. He tells me he’ll text me later and walks back to where we’d watched the band.

“Aislin, how did you meet him?” Stephanie asks, picking her jaw up off the ground.

_Why did her jaw hit the ground? She’s got a hot boyfriend._

“He was behind the tent where I was putting on my face paint. I told him I liked his face paint when I rejoined you guys.”

“Are you serious? Do you know who he is?”

_He’s just a guy._

“Of course I’m serious, and no I don’t know who he is.”

“That, my friend, is Josh Hutcherson. Star of The Hunger Games.”

So some famous guy from my hometown just runs into me at the best summer music festival in the area, and asks for my number. Things like this don’t just happen to me, and I’m in complete shock and awe.

_And I doubt he’ll even text me._

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will start picking up with Aislin and Josh soon. By the way Aislin is pronounced (Ashlyn).

Bunbury was a great time. The time I spent with my friends makes me smile in remembrance. Unfortunately, the weekend is over and it’s back to work tomorrow. I step out of the shower, seeing the fog swirl around me, feeling the temperature change from the hot water to the crisp, cool air inside the bedroom when I hear the familiar beeping alerting me to an incoming text.

**Hey it’s Josh, from Bunbury.**

**Me: Hey, how are you?**

_This is a little awkward. Didn’t think he’d actually text._

**Josh: I’m good. I really would like to see you again.**

_Is he serious?_

**Me: Sure. Ok. When?**

_Did I just say that?_

**Josh. I guess I should tell you I’m Josh Hutcherson before you agree to anything.**

_At least he’s honest and upfront._

**Me: My friend told me. It’s cool.**

**Josh: I’m glad you’re okay with it. I was hoping it wouldn’t scare you off.**

_What do I say? His fame does scare me a little. I don’t like drama._

**Me: Let’s say I do like a small challenge.**

**Josh: Okay, challenge accepted. Let’s meet somewhere for dinner. You pick.**

_I swear. Is this guy for real? Okay, well, game on, I guess. Time to see if I can man up here._

**Me: Okay. The Pub. When?**

**Josh: Tomorrow evening? 6:30?**

**Me: I get off work at 5, so I’ll meet you there.**

_What the hell am I doing? Seeing this through. He’s charming and cute. Elizabeth said to try and go out with a guy again, so okay, this is me trying! See…trying!!_

  


Monday morning arrives and I take that same familiar drive to work. I make good use of the drive to switch my mind frame so I can focus the hard task of helping these children through the worst thing that could happen to them.

I pull into a parking spot not too far from the shuttle hub at the hospital. I only wait a few moments before I step on the shuttle, greeting the driver, then taking a window seat, settling in for the short drive to the main building. I feel the grip tape on the steps as I step off the shuttle bus and set my sights on the main set of doors, leading me into the open atrium and finally the elevators that will take me to the fourth floor and my office. As I push the button, I watch the numbers count down until they reach the lobby level. Climbing into the elevator, I press the fourth floor button and feel the elevator lurch up. As the doors open, I step out and head straight for the office I share with Caroline and sigh.

_I hate Mondays._

Mondays overwhelm us because we usually see more cases since we don’t work on the weekends. Since I’m the first one in today, I check our messages and make the usual call to social services.

The phone call is about a five year old girl who was abused for a year.

_I’ll never understand how someone can hurt a child._

I don’t think 5 pm can come fast enough, but I finally the clock, which has been moving so slowly that I thought the hands were moving backward. I’m so relieved to see it’s reached the magic number. The image of a small five year old girl shaking and huddled in a corner of the hospital room is fresh in my mind. That image secures the thought that she’ll more than likely never been able to move past the trauma when the beeping of my phone snaps me back into reality.

**Josh: Hey Aislin, I’m heading to the Pub now. When you get there, just look for me.**

**Me: Okay. I’m leaving work now. Be there in about 30 minutes.**

**Josh: See you soon.**

I pull up and park in front of the Pub and I feel nervous—as if my stomach is in my throat.

_I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to do this._

  


Inhaling a deep breath, I work to steel my nerves and walk inside the restaurant knowing it would be wrong, not to mention rude, to leave Josh hanging. Famous or not, he’s a person first and I will not hurt his feelings and stand him up.

Stopping between the double set of doors, I take another deep breath and open the last set of those doors and walk into the dimly lit restaurant.

_I love the low lights._

Glancing around for Josh, I find him waiting patiently in a corner booth. He looks down at his phone, maybe playing candy crush, because everyone is addicted to that game.

“Hey, Josh,” I say quietly and approach the table while doing my best to not create an ensuing panic since Josh is so famous.

“Aislin, hi!” he says in an excited voice, standing up as I sit down.

_He’s a gentleman. No one ever does that around me._

Looking at Josh while he peruses the menu, I notice he’s got some facial hair. It makes him look older. Doing my best, I try not stare at him but something is drawing me in.

“What do you normally get here?” he asks, placing the menu on the table.

“Usually the chicken and chips. And I drink Lucy in the Sky (with Diamonds),” I answer. I notice Josh appears nervous as I glance his way.

_Why is he nervous? It’s just me, normal Aislin._

“What are you getting?”

“I think the London Broil and of course I can’t drink here, so I’ll probably do a Coke Zero or Diet Coke,” he says as his lips turn up into a genuine smile.

A smile that can melt anyone’s heart.

_Aislin, what are you thinking? Stop thinking about his smile._

I find that I can’t help it. His smile really is breathtaking. A feeling of safety and warmth comes over me and I don’t know why. I don’t even know him except for a brief meeting at a music festival.

_What is it about him?_

The waiter comes over and we decide to order our food and drinks and Josh looks so shy. He’s a famous actor. How can he be shy?

  


“How was your day?” he asks placing his drink on the coaster in front of him.

“Work was rough today. My job deals with helping domestically abused young children. I had a five year old girl assigned to me.” I stop to take a long drink hoping it will wipe away the image of that poor child.

How do I explain this all to Josh without giving too much information?

“I’m sorry, Aislin. I couldn’t do your job. I’m too soft hearted.”

_Did he just say that? What guy admits that to a girl they don’t really know?_

“How much can you share with me?” he asks as the waiter approaches our table with the tray of food.

“Not too much yet. I barely got anything from her and I couldn’t even examine her because she was so freaked out.”

As we share things about our day, I watch as the shyness starts to dissipate from Josh. He shares that he’s home until August and then he’ll go back to Los Angeles for his charity’s second annual celebrity basketball game.

As we eat dinner and talk about different parts of our lives, a stronger feeling of comfort creeps up on me and I relax more and more. The night, unfortunately, was coming to an end. We both pay our tabs, and Josh walks me to my car and gives me a hug good night.

_His arms make me feel warm and part of me doesn’t want to leave his embrace, but it’s not the logical part of my brain._

Josh says he’ll call me soon, and I watch him walk away as I climb inside my car.

****

It’s been two days since I saw Josh, which means it’s Wednesday. Hump day! Maybe I can get the little girl to make some progress with me. The longer I’m in her room, the more I find out and figure out. Every detail causes bile to rise in the back of my throat. This is the worst case I’ve ever had to handle. I’m still in shock on the drive home.

_How can someone do that?_

I need someone to talk to. Someone who will listen.

_Josh._

  


Sliding my finger on my phone, I flip through the numbers in my phone and tap his. The playback song comes on.

_The Lumineers. Go figure._

“Aislin, hey,” he answers, his voice thick with sleep.

“I’m sorry. Did I wake you up at 6 pm?” I tease him, knowing he probably crashed reading a script or trying to look at fan mail. He told me he needed to get a little of both finished.

“No..well..umm maybe. It’s all good. What’s up and how are you?”

“I want someone to talk to about today.”

Josh is there to listen. He lets me tell him about the little girl being hurt by her uncle and cousin. When she misbehaved, they would burn her with cigarettes. I feel dirty and angry thinking about it, but Josh is there providing the shoulder I so desperately miss and need.

“Aislin, are you sure you’re going to be okay?” I hear sincere concern in his voice.

“No choice, Josh. It’s my job. I have to be okay.”

“I’m glad you feel like you can talk to me.”

“Thanks for listening. I think I’m going to eat some dinner, take a hot bath and go to bed.”

“Sleep well, Aislin. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Night Josh.”

****

When I head to work the next day, I am determined to be focused on the task at hand. I need to make some headway with this little girl. It’s clear she’s been destroyed physically and may never be the same. She tells me her name is Kari. That’s all I can get out of her throughout the entire eight hour work day.

When I finish for the day and I lock up my office, I walk down the hall and pull out my phone. I’m happy to see that Josh had texted me to see if I want to have dinner with him on Friday night. I know it’s crazy but he makes me feel almost like me again, and I’m starting to feel addicted to the person I was before everything changed for me. The girl who reached for the stars instead of the girl who watches them disappear.

 

Dinner on Friday is perfect. It’s nothing fancy, just Abuelos in Crestview Hills which is Josh’s choice, not mine. I don’t really like Mexican food, but I can always find something to eat whereever we go. We stroll around the town center, which is full of shops, and spend time trying to get to know each other. We head into Cold Stone Creamery for ice cream and talk about Los Angeles.

“Aislin, I have my charity basketball game in LA soon. I wanted to know if you’d like to fly out and watch the game. I can show you LA if you want to,” he says this so fast that I almost don’t catch it.

_Is this too fast? It’s only been a week. He’s just asking you to come hang out, just like here and watch his game, Aislin, it’s not marriage._

“When?”

“August ninth, and I have the whole weekend free. I’d like you to come out and see where I live now.”

_What should I do? I want to go, but should I go? And what is his fascination with me?_

“When do you need to know? I have to see if I can get the time off work.”

_I know I can get the time off work, but I want to talk to my friends about this. I need to make the right decision here, and I don’t know what it is at the moment because...his eyes._

“I will put two passes aside and you just let me know,” he tells me with another smile.

****

The month flies by too fast. Josh and I hang out when we both have free time. We do things that involve the two of us and I also bring Josh into my inner circle (except for Elizabeth because I can’t take her pushiness right now). I take Josh to Eden Park since he hasn’t been in a very long time. We all go to Kings Island Amusement Park. Josh is a little nervous about going and getting spotted, but Seth reassures him that no one will even be paying attention since we are such a big group. We stay all day, riding every roller coaster at Josh’s insistence. He spends the day laughing and having a lot of fun.

“Thanks for today, Aislin. I had so much fun with you and your friends,” he yawns.

I’m driving, but I glance over at him and realize he has actually fallen asleep. He has a smile on his face that stretches all the way up to his closed eyes, and I have the feeling that he’s the happiest he’s been in a long time. I hate to wake him up, but I pull up to my condo and turn off the car.

“Josh, we’re back,” I say softly, tapping his shoulder. He opens his eyes and quickly looks around, almost in a state of confusion.

“Shit, Aislin! I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

He gets out of my car, and we walk over to his. He takes both of my hands in his and I squeeze his.

“Thanks again, Aislin. Today was so much fun. I’ll call you tomorrow.” He lets go and gets into his SUV, waving goodbye as he pulls away.

****

Once inside, I fire up my wonderful laptop to check email. I have a message from Marilee! She is a good friend—well, great friend—I met online. She’s a history professor, and we started talking after a post she made about her teaching philosophy. We became fast friends after that. I can talk to her about anything and she’s honest with me. She doesn’t try to force me to change the way I feel about dating; she just listens and advises. She asks me how things are going with Josh. It’s so funny talking to Marilee about Josh because I didn’t know she also writes fan fiction about him. I’ve only started to read one and it’s very good.

Since we’re both online I decide to talk to her about my internal debate about Los Angeles.

**So, Marilee, Josh asked me to go out to LA and watch his charity basketball game and then hang out for the weekend…should I do it? Am I crazy?**

I wait for a message back, and she tells me she thinks I should do it. I deserve to have some time away and fun too.

**Okay. I’ll do it, but I’m nervous.**

She tells me to stop worrying so much and enjoy myself.

I decide to sleep on it and let Josh know in the morning. After a night of crazy dreams, I wake up and know I’ve made my decision.

“Hey, Josh,” I say when he answers the phone. “I’ll do it. I’ll come to LA!”

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to progress between Josh and Aislin, and we also start peeling back her layers slowly to see what she's all about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I was on a hiatus...my brother got married and it has been a crazy month. I wanted to make sure I was happy with this chapter before I put it out here, thanks so much for reading!!

My plane lands at LAX and just as I’ve promised Josh, I call him the minute I clear the terminal.

“Aislin!” he answers, full of energy and excitement. “You’re here!”

_He gets so excited at the silliest things, especially over me._

“Yes, sir. Just cleared the terminal and walking to baggage claim,” I laugh into the phone.

“I’m so glad you’re here. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Do you need anything tonight?”

_I swear he’s got the energy of a five year old sometimes._

“Nope, I’m just going to pick up my rental car and go to the hotel. I feel like I was on the plane forever.”

“Okay, get some rest. I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know where to meet Andre to get your pass,” he pauses and starts again. “Will you call me when you get to the hotel?”

“Of course, Josh. I’ll call you soon.”

“Be safe.”

_Be safe. Two very simple words, but laced with so much meaning. I feel safe here. I’m not looking over my shoulder every minute. Maybe I will truly enjoy myself without the looming ghost of Aaron and my past hanging over me._

Walking to baggage claim is crazy. LAX is much bigger than I imagined. Even though the sun is starting to set just enough to have a hint of pink, the whole airport is still bright. I find relief in the fact that big signs point my way to the baggage claim. Once I arrive at the baggage claim, I watch for my bags, and as soon I have them, I make my way out of the very busy and very large airport. I’m glad the car rental place is right on-site, and they have the car waiting for me outside the airport. I throw my bags in the trunk and slide behind the wheel of a black Audi that has tinted windows. I make sure to program my GPS so I don’t get lost and head for the hotel. 

****

The sun shines almost too brightly as I realize it is morning.

_So this is what a California sunrise looks like._

My bare feet hit the plush carpet as I decide to get a start on the day.

_I don’t even know where to start._

After a hot shower, which does the job of soothing the kink in my neck, I wrap myself in a plush, white towel and stroll over to the closet to consider the outfit of the day.

_Something simple, but fun at the same time._

My hand touches my favorite pair of destroyed jeans and there is no question that I will be wearing these today. Match it up with a navy and white nautical stripe shirt, slip on my silver Sperry’s. I gaze into the full length mirror and see a girl looking back at me.

_She almost looks like the me I remember. Almost. Now what to do with this hair?_

Running my fingers through the medium length golden hair, I wage an internal battle of hair design, finally opting to curl it.

Before I know it, my phone is ringing.

“Hi Josh,” I answer, putting the curling iron down after finishing the last curl.

“Aislin! I’m so excited about today! You. The game and the charity!” he shouts so fast, I almost don’t catch the whole statement. I watch my mouth form a genuine smile in the mirror, one that almost reaches my eyes.

“You sound so pumped! I can’t wait to see you too,” I stammer as I bite my nails, and stop almost as quickly as I started.

“Okay, so you’re going to meet Andre in front of the Staples Center, near the Nokia Theater. He said at 2 pm. Is that cool?” he inquires, sounding calm, unlike a minute ago.

“Yeah, that works. I will see him there. And I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye, Aislin!” he happily states as he ends the call.

I put down the phone to spray my bouncing curls with hairspray and realize my hands are shaking. I’m nervous and a little anxious to see Josh again.

_Get a grip, Aislin, it is only Josh, and you were hanging out together a few weeks ago._

I spray a little more hairspray, willing, almost daring these curls to move.

_Have his feelings about me changed? Will he see me as a different person out here in his world of fame? I know I don’t even compare with all the girls he knows in LA._

I stare in that damn judgmental mirror, knowing I need to build my confidence again before I see Josh. 

_Two things I like about myself today. My eyes and my hair._

My eyes are a bright gray-blue, almost like a stormy sky. When I get angry, people tell me the gray is more visible and my eyes actually look like a storm clouds rolling in. The blue is prominent when I’m excited or happy. My hair is longer, flowing past my shoulders and right now, its multi-tone blond. My friends say my hair is sun kissed.

_Okay, I feel a little better. Ready to go._

During the drive to the game venue, I try to take in the scenery, but that isn’t the easiest thing while navigating these confusing streets. I allow the car’s GPS to play tour guide and get me safely to the venue where I find a parking garage nearby. My walk to the venue allows me to see the masses of people waiting to either meet Josh or at least watch him play ball. Between the throngs of people and the buildings surrounding me, I’m feeling completely closed in.

_How in the hell am I going to find Andre in this mess?_

My eyes squint as they search and scan the oversized, very overwhelming mob of people, trying to pick out the one person in this sea of people who could be waiting for someone they’ve never met. They, at last, focus in on a guy who is burly and has a face covered with hair. His eyes, searching as well, looking for a girl who Josh has described to him, quite possibly with rose colored glasses. The man saunters up to me and I feel the need to take a step back.

“Aislin?” he asks, his voice not matching his size.

“Yeah, you must be Andre,” I stammer, putting my hand out to shake his.

_So this is Josh’s best friend? Way to make an impression, Aislin._

“I am and here is your pass. Josh wants to make sure you have access to everything, including him.

“Really? I wasn’t sure what he meant by passes.”

“Passes like mine. All access.”

“Nice!”

“Yup, so stick close to me and we’ll get this party started.”

Walking next to Andre, I catch him eyeing me, like something is on the tip of his tongue.

“What do you do for a living back in Kentucky?” he starts off with the questions, no doubt, trying to seek out my intentions towards his friend.

“Well I work at Childrens’ Hospital as an abused child advocate.”

_Short, sweet and to the point, the easy questions are all like that. Work is easy to talk about._

We walk further around the building and the line snakes and wraps around it, a rope barricade is the only thing used to keep the people secure in the line.

_Really? That’s going to protect Josh from all of them?_

“Why did you choose that career path, if I can ask? It doesn’t sound simple.”

_Another easy question, I can talk about my work all day._

“I started college to become a medical assistant, so I got my Associate’s Degree in that field, and took a job in a pediatrics office. While I was there, a badly beaten child was brought in and our hands were tied since the mother wouldn’t tell us it was abuse. I felt extremely helpless, so I decided to go back to college and get a Bachelor’s Degree in Social Work, focusing my work on abused children.”

_Almost got too personal right there and I don’t even know him. Josh doesn’t even know that whole story. I guess I need to fill him in. I’m glad my past nightmare hasn’t haunted our conversation, yet._

“Any family?” he shoots out, reminding me of 20 questions.

I notice that we’re moving closer to a small building, and I have a feeling that we’re going to be walking a lot longer than I planned.

_Family…where to start?_

“My family is large, but I’m not close with very many of them. Tons of aunts, uncles, and cousins, but my immediate family is my mom, dad, step-mom, 3 brothers, and 2 sisters.”

“Aislin, what are your feelings towards Josh? I’m only asking because he is my best friend.”

_Oh shit! I don’t even know the answer to that question for my own peace of mind, how can I answer this to Josh’s best friend._

“Josh has been a great friend to me over the last several weeks. I enjoy spending time with him when he gets back home.”

_I hope that answer is enough. I hope it’s also vague enough._

“Alright,” Andre answers as we pass a big group of girls in the line. It dawns on me, they are all screaming, shaking, and crying over Josh. I move, in a rush, to get past them, trying my best to ignore the rapidly growing whispers.

_Are they talking about me? What are they saying?_

“Don’t worry about them, Aislin,” Andre says, guiding me inside the building.

I watch Andre push a big, red metal door that slowly swings open, revealing Josh, surrounded by a circle of, who I can only guess are, local media. I linger by the door while Andre stalks forward, nearing the group before he clears his throat, causing everyone, including Josh to pause and glance up.

“Sorry everyone, but that’s all the time Josh has now.” he clearly states, commanding the room and everyone’s attention.

The media evacuates the room, resembling cattle being herded to a field and as soon as the last man, who reminds me of a sweaty Porky Pig, leaves the room, Josh is instantly at my side.

 “Aislin,” he breathes, and his voice sounds like he’s in pain before finding relief.

“Hey, Josh,” I say, smiling at him. He smiles his half smile that I’ve actually missed since he left Kentucky. I notice that he’s growing a beard and, in fact, I like it.

He opens his arms wide and I go straight into them, feeling his strong arms encase me in a warmth I only feel with him, and I want to melt into his arms. He smells so good, but soon that will change. I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him tightly against my body. I don’t know what it is about him that makes me feel safe and strong.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Aislin!” he says, and the excited guy from the earlier phone call is back. I laugh at his energy.

He only has a few minutes to talk before it is time to meet his fans.

“Come out there with me, please?” he asks, poking my side, which tickles.

“I’m sure that will start rumors and trouble you don’t want,” I tell him, poking him back.

_What in the world am I doing?_

“Come on, Aislin. Just come out and sit with me. People will talk but I think they’re already talking since Andre skipped the line with you.” He winks at me, and his words are reassuring.

“If you’re sure, Josh,” I whisper, very unsure about this whole thing.  He ducks his head to look at me right in the eyes.

“Aislin, I have my friends around me all the time, and for all they know, you’re a friend from back home, which you are, so we’re not lying about anything…yet.” He smiles and it reaches all the way to his eyes. For some reason, it puts me at ease.

We enter a bigger room, right off of the media room, where Josh will meet his fans, and I watch the expression on his face change. His smile is a little more forced, a little crooked, but not reaching his eyes. That’s it. I can see it in his eyes, the golden shine, no matter if his eyes look brown or green, is absent at this moment. I stand to the side and watch him meet his fans.

_I want to help him get through this._

Josh told me once before, that he loves his fans, enjoys meeting with and talking to them at all the events he attends.

_So what has changed? I need to let him know I’m here and he can tell me anything. He does that for me, I can do that for him. Friends do that._

 It seems like each fan has a story they want to share with Josh or a question they want answered. He listens to each story with enthusiasm, spending a short amount of time with each fan, no more than a minute, and I observe them drain some of the extra energy out of him.

Finally he makes it through the mob of fans and we are led back into the media room so he can get ready for the game. He bends down and unzips his gym bag, resting on the floor and pulls out his compression shorts, gym shorts, and jersey with his name and number on the back. He walks a few feet, stopping, suddenly, sitting on a bench. His head drops into his hands.

“Josh, what’s wrong?” I ask, breaking the silence that’s hovered since his meet and greet.

“Huh? What? Oh, I’m sorry, Aislin. Nothing.” He looks down at his feet, shifting them uncomfortably.

He listens to my problems with work and this is his job so I need to be the one to listen if he needs it.

“Josh, you can talk to me, just like you let me talk to you.”

“I feel like I’m a little lost among all these people, Aislin,” he tells me, quietly, almost ashamed that he thought it. He keeps his eyes averted.

_This isn’t the Josh I’ve come to know. He’s strong and confident, sure of himself. A charmer who can make anyone smile when he smiles. Lost isn’t a word I would ever associate with him._

“Josh, it’s okay to feel like that. I promise it doesn’t mean that you hate this and you’re not grateful.” I reach for his hands, trying to comfort and reassure him.

He takes a deep breath and smiles, his eye crinkling smile at me. “Thanks, Aislin.” He heads back into a locker room area to get ready to play.

Andre and I head to our seats and get ready for the game. Josh makes some awesome plays, and to be honest, he’s got moves. While my eyes flip back and forth, doing their best to follow the game, my mind drifts back to Josh in that room. In the weeks that Josh and I have spent either talking, texting, or hanging out in person, I’ve come to know a very strong person. He is the strong and steady rock for everyone in his life.

_I wonder who is there for him?_

He would do anything for the people closest to him, give them anything they need, especially his mom and brother, Connor.

_Do they drop everything for him, in a similar way since he doesn’t need materialistic things? At the end of the day, who does the rock lean on to get his strength?_

He misses Kentucky more as he gets older. He told me one night how he misses the quiet nights more than anything.

_Is he scared that he can’t really go home anymore?_

I’m so wrapped up in my thoughts about Josh that, before I realize it, he is standing in front of me, freshly showered and changed.

“Ready?” he asks, partially startling me from my daydreams. I must have jumped a little because Josh looks a little concerned.

“You okay?” he asks, sitting next to me and putting his hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah, Josh, sorry. I was lost in thought, I guess. I’m ready.” I stand up and he leads me to the car he and Andre must have arrived in together, parked in a private lot, not far from the Staples Center.

“I just need to drop Andre off at Heather’s place and we can go out.”

I nod, letting him know I hear him and he jogs over, opening the passenger door so I can climb in. I enjoy the feel of the cool leather of his M3 as we drive to Heather’s place in LA to drop Andre off. 

“Aislin, will you go to dinner with me?” Josh asks after Andre goes inside the house and shuts the door.

_He’s so cute and bashful._

“I’d love to, Josh. Where should we go?”

“It’s a surprise,” he smiles, and that smile melts my heart.

_I could fall for this guy. Anyone could with that smile._

Dusk is barely falling as we drive through the streets of downtown Los Angeles. I watch outside as the lights of the city buzz by the car. I feel my mind drift outside the car, blending with those same lights.

_Could I fit in out here? Wait, where did that thought come from? I can’t think about this. Why am I even trying? Josh has never said anything about us or that there is a possible chance for us and if there was, I don’t know that I’m ready or strong enough to seize it._

The lights fade as we head out of the city and towards a canyon. I’m not sure where we are actually going, but the view is incredible. As Josh drives further up and into the canyon, I get my first real view of the downtown skyline and it takes my breath away. Since nighttime is only starting to fall over the city, the lights are a faint twinkling glow, but something about the way they shine against the purplish-blue sky reminds me of diamonds embedded in velvet. I can’t even start to name any of the buildings I see in the distance, but that doesn’t matter, because I won’t be forgetting this view any time soon.

“Where are we going?” I whisper, afraid to break the spell the city has over me.

“My house in Laurel Canyon. I want to take you out on the bike. You’ll love it and it’s my favorite way to see the city,” he answers in the same hushed tone, grinning through his words.

_His bike? I’m going to die tonight. I’ve never been on a bike and I have no reason to fear them, but my mother’s voice keeps ringing in my head, saying motorcycles are dangerous._

I do my best to shove my mom’s voice aside as Josh pulls into his driveway. I can see now why he calls it the treehouse. It is so secluded, and I get the feeling Josh craves that seclusion more than he used to. He gently turns the key and shuts off the M3, which completes the silence that fell over us as he parked the car. I hear the soft click of the seatbelt, signaling Josh is getting out of the car. He walks around to my side of the car and opens the door.

_Quite the gentleman. Is he always like this? Maybe more so here in LA._

We stand next to the car for a minute as I glance around and try to commit his house to memory. I observe the front door has trees with thick branches obscuring the view from the street, this one simple thing screams privacy more than anything he’s shared during our many phone calls. I know it is the thing he desires most in life right now. In fact, thinking about it lends itself to a memory of a phone conversation not too long ago.

**_He was trying to get me to share one of my deepest desires in life at that moment, and of course, me being a person who keeps everything close to the vest, I was not divulging anything. Josh decided I might follow his lead, so he told me his._ **

**_“I wish it was easy to live two different lives. I feel like there are two versions of me and that they are complete opposites. The version of me that the world knows loves the fan adoration that comes with my rising level of fame and I would never admit that fact to many people. The version of me that my family and friends know craves privacy, sometimes to the point of seclusion. Maybe go back home and spend the day fishing or challenging Connor to a paintball match.”_ **

**_I told him that night that I truly believe we all have multiple versions of ourselves and that is how we, as humans, can survive through even the most horrible things in life. It makes us resilient._ **

I become aware of Josh’s fingers playing with mine a little bit, and I snap back into the present and reality.

“You okay, Aislin?” he inquires. I squeeze his fingers in response, feeling the returning pressure as he leads me to his bike. It really is a beautiful bike, blue gas tank with our home state as an emblem on it. He hands me a silver helmet and I stand there and look at it.

“What?” he asks, his voice piques with curiosity. “Oh…you’ve never been on a bike before.” His words are not a question, but a statement.

It is true; I’ve never been on a motorcycle before. My brother Mark has one, but I have never had the opportunity present itself to go on a ride, and here I am, standing next to Josh and his bike without the slightest idea how to do anything involving this. I don’t even know how to strap on this helmet right. Josh smiles his big full smile and helps me put it on right. He climbs on the Harley and looks over his shoulder at me

“Come on. Climb on,” he says with a wink. “It’s safe. I promise.”

Seeing as I have never been on a bike, climbing on the back seems to be as easy as doing cartwheels on steaming hot pavement. I divert my eyes from the seat, sliding them down my legs to my feet, then glancing back up, meeting Josh’s eyes. He returns my look with his typical disarming smile as I lift my leg up to try and throw it over the seat. The only thing I’m successful in doing is throwing myself off balance. Josh’s shoulders rise and fall in the slightest motion and I know he’s working hard not to chuckle at me. I choose to try once more, achieving the same result. He takes my hand in his and lays it on his shoulder; the leather feels cool under my fingers.

“Put your leg over the seat and push yourself up, using my shoulder,” he instructs, glancing over the same shoulder, his warm breath ghosting over my hand.

I follow his commands, doing exactly what he said and I can feel the bike shift a little as I finally sit down. Josh wraps my arms around his lower abdomen and starts the bike. He turns around in the long driveway and heads back towards the diamond and velvet skyline.

The ride is so freeing and makes me feel alive for the first time in a long while.

_Maybe I need to stop simply going through the motions of my life. I don’t know how to do that, how to allow myself to feel emotions on more than a limited basis, and if I do figure out a way to accomplish that, am I willing to open my heart back up to hurt?_

Being pressed up against Josh’s back, feeling every breath he takes as his muscles expand and contract brings such a feeling of power and strength. In that moment, I really feel like he will protect me with his life and that feeling scares the shit out of me. I don’t know why I feel that way. 

_Yes, I do. I promised myself that I would never need anyone like I needed Aaron. If Josh really would protect me with his life that has to mean he cares and quite possibly loves me, and if that is true, I’ll have no choice but to open up to him and that means being vulnerable again._

The bike lurches forward as we slow down coming out of the canyon and reach a complete stop at the light. The feel of the smooth, cool leather on the bare skin of my hands raises goose bumps on my arms and I realize that Josh’s hands are completely covering mine. The helmets block out the surrounding sounds for me. I’m can really focus on how Josh’s body feels against mine, strong against soft. I need to stop thinking this way. It’ll only cause me to form an attachment that will hurt me when I have to end it after Josh knows the truth.

I’m so caught up in my own thoughts that I barely notice Josh’s hand pull tight against mine. The feeling snaps me back into the present and I see flashes of bright blinding lights. It finally dawns on me that the flashes are photographers taking our picture. I tighten my grip on Josh and he pats my hand once and wraps it back on the bike handle as he makes a quick right turn at the light. I don’t think Josh wants to head in this direction. I feel the engine revving as he maneuvers around cars and down different streets until he pulls into a private garage. 

He turns off the bike and I feel him exhale an extremely long breath as his shoulders sink a little bit. He reaches down and rubs my hand again, and I relax my grip and climb off the back of the bike. He drops the kick stand and hops off himself. I hand him my helmet after he removes his and he puts them in the locker in front of the parking spot and takes the key. He turns around to face me and the look on his face floors me. He looks so down, almost in despair and possibly desperate. I don’t know what drove me to do what I do next, but I take his face in my hands and force him to look right into my eyes.

“What is it, Josh? I’ve never seen you like this,” I whisper, almost afraid of frightening him.

“It’s all of this, Aislin!” he tells me, his voice full of anxiety. “I can’t even take you on a simple bike ride to dinner without getting blinded by photographers. I feel like I can’t have a little bit of peace.”

Josh is usually so calm when we’re hanging out, but that is at home in Kentucky. This is a totally different scene out here. He carries himself a little differently out here, maybe a little stiffer. I’m not sure what the difference is, but it’s noticeable.

“Josh, let’s just go to dinner and try to forget about them. We need to have fun and enjoy ourselves,” I say, keeping his focus on me until he relaxes, but even then it’s only slightly. He nods and takes my hand in his as we walk out of the underground garage onto the street. I’m glad most of the photographers decided to move on to the next celebrity sighting by the time we emerge. I guess they assume we gained access to a restaurant in a private manner. I feel Josh relax next to me a tiny bit. I trace the area under his thumb to try and help him stay calm as he leads me down the street towards the restaurant.

We round the corner and see a few photographers, and Josh squeezes my hand.

“Aislin, just don’t let go of my hand. As soon as we get inside, they can’t bother us. Most restaurants here ban paparazzi.”

I hold tightly to Josh’s hand and stick to his side. He takes a huge breath, and we head towards the group of photographers.

They notice him and start yelling his name to get his attention. They ask about me and the movie; ask where Jennifer is. Josh just looks at them and gives his signature half smile that appears in the magazines that buy these pictures. Working our way through the small crowd of paparazzi, we finally make to the restaurant and get seated for dinner.

Josh has explained his life out here before, but I’m bearing witness to the insanity in person and his desire to be the other version of Josh is becoming crystal clear.

_Maybe we’ll go fishing when he comes back to Kentucky._

We are enjoying the amazing food when I glance up and see two teenage girls staring in our direction. More than likely they have recognize Josh. I don’t want to make it obvious that I spot them looking at us. I’m hoping that they’ll just let it go and leave us alone, and they do. I watch the girls walk out the door and breathe a small sigh of relief. Josh pays the check about 20 minutes later, and we decide to go to Pinz. Since we’re so close, Josh thinks we can walk to the bowling alley.

Once we walk out the door, we both realize that it’s a mistake. There are several teenage girls waiting for Josh. He stiffens noticeably and changes our direction, heading back towards the safety of the garage.

“Is everything okay?” I ask him softly.

“Yeah, let’s just go for a ride. Come on,” he says, walking over to the locker to grab the helmets. He hands mine to me and climbs on the bike. I place my hand on his shoulder, swinging my leg across the bike and I find it is a little easier this time around. Josh feels too tense compared to the ride here and I hope the ride will help him relax again.

Josh heads up the coast so we can get away from the city and the people that want a piece of him. I hug my body close to him because the wind has a bit of a chill as it blows past me. The leather on the back of Josh’s jacket is cold against my cheek as I press it against him. I try to look around and enjoy the view of the coast as we drive further down the road. He finds a quiet, deserted spot and pulls off the road and parks the bike. He stays seated until I climb off, then drops the kickstand, smoothly swinging his leg off of the bike. He uses his teeth to grip the fingertip of his glove, pulling it off, followed by the other one, and drapes them across the seat. I take off my helmet and cautiously hand it to him and watch as he hangs it on the handlebars. He does the same thing with his and we both walk slowly towards the cliff. I can tell something more than the restaurant incident is on his mind.

“You can talk to me, Josh. You know that, right?” I state, watching him lean against the guard rail. He looks ruggedly handsome in his black leather jacket, black t-shirt, and black jeans. His hair is pushed up in the front. 

“I’m in a funk, Aislin. I feel like I’m lost in my life right now. I don’t feel like I have any time to be me, to have some time to myself, to actually be a little selfish with my life.” He pauses for a deep breath. I don’t say a word; I just nod my head and let him continue.

“Sometimes I’d like a normal job, like you have. You help people and you don’t have a camera or microphone pushed in your face. The best part is when your work day is over, you’re free, and when I watch you, I feel like you scream freedom. That is what first attracted me to you at Bunbury that day.” He sighs at the end of his speech, and I believe he feels like a weight is lifted off his shoulders.

_If he only knew I was trapped in my own prison, a partial living hell._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For those of you reading my story, I'm in the process of doing some revamping and will be back soon with Aislin and Josh

The story will continue soon!


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